Mmmm! a bit down and then an up!

Well, I left it a week before updating my blog........

Its been a strange 7 days- a bit up and a bit down. I posted my photo and waited to see if Richard messaged me... and waited... and waited....

No message.

And he had viewed it because the site shows who has viewed your profile

Felt quite deflated to be honest.. it took me a while to build up the confidence to put my photo on the site-and I felt quite vulnerable because showing your photo "lays you bare". You can put a profile on, and have a laugh and a joke, but you still have that annonimity and can hide behind the faceless image. My initial reaction was that I must be ugly, or too big (all the insecurities that men and women share if they face "rejection"). Anyway.. after feeling sorry for myself for a couple of days and wondering whether being on the site was doing me any good or not... I had a chat with a male colleague at work. He's known me since we were teenagers.. and he gave me a real telling off (and a confidence boost too!!)

He said.. how did I know that Richard had looked at my photo and thought I was too ugly or big!!! He could have looked at my photo and thought;

a) she's put her photo on, so she's not that into me and looking for other "contact"

or

b) she's out of my league (after all.. he hasnt put a photo on either!!!!)

or

c) he just didnt find me attractive.. after all, as he said, I dont fancy every man I know GOOD POINT IAN!

Anyway... he made me laugh as he said I had "body dismorphia" (I think thats how you spell it :-)) and that in no way was I "big" and in no way was I unattractive.. and that I needed to get a grip.. and where was the confident woman he knew at work and socially.

He was right....

And then I had a couple of winks, and one message- and to be honest (and here's the irony), they weren't my type- not just looks, but also their interests, and outlook. I felt bad, but I didnt answer any of them- not because I was rude, but because Im beginning to understand the rules of dating sites;

1.NOT everyone replies to a wink or a message

2. That doesnt make you a bad person

So, Im off on a hen weekend (second marriage :-~) to Amsterdam this weekend and when I get back, I'M going to have a look at profiles and I'M going to message a couple of men (I've set myself a target of 10!!!!)

If you sit back and wait for life to knock on door, chances are it "aint gonna happen" (unless you're extremely lucky), so Im going to knock on a few doors myself

Internet dating is certainly character building!!!!