Been a month!!!

Well, bet you thought I'd either a) met someone b) given up!!!! well, to be honest, a bit of both... :-)
I did meet someone- I went out on a few dates with the "younger" man- only 8 years to be honest. Apparently that makes me a Couger! Not sure whether that makes me happy or not ...
Most of my relationships have been with younger men- even my husband. The biggest age gap was with someone 12 years younger than me- straight after my marriage broke down. It was fun,fast and furious.. and only broke down when a) he hadnt heard of Mrs Robinson b) our memories of our kiddies programmes differed greatly (he hadnt heard of the Magic Roundabout (come on!!!) ) and c) he didnt (dare!) tell hs mum and dad about me... . Joking aside- it was great fun while it lasted and we're good friends now.
My recent dates with Neil were, again, great fun.. but I realised we're at different stages in our life.. he's 34 and looking for something different to me.
So.. hey ho.. back to the drawing board and back on with RAH. I guess I now realise I need to start messaging people (yes...I know I've said this before.. but deep down, I still hoped I'd meet someone "naturally".. but I know now I need a helping hand!)
Let you know how I get on.. and I wont be leaving it a month this time.

In looking to meet "the one"; -
Introduced by mates- tick
Blind dating- tick
Speed dating- cross (but best friend recently experienced!- still a cross)
Singles nights.... NO NO NO
Internet dating- YES- TBA

Been a while!!!!

Dont know where the times going.... had over 50 messages since I started, which is fantastic... and a real mixture of characters, different ages and one lady!!!! dont know how she sneaked through, but she was definately not looking for a female :-)

One had me in stitches... a foreign gentleman looking for, and I quote, "a beautiful ,intellingent, fat lady...". Well, he definately caught my attention with the first two compliments.. but surprisingly, lost me on the third :-) didnt know whether to laugh or cry, but after Id picked myself up off the floor, studied my photo... it was definatley not a close up, and I didnt look that fat :-)

On a more serious note though, re-read his and a couple of others, and they werent really addressed to me, and one's interests didnt match mine, and wouldnt have, even on a cold day in hell. Guess they'd sent the same message to a number of ladies. One had sent me a message- hilarious- it was obvious he'd had a few..and he'd sent it at 1-00 in the morning- and a bit frisky :-). Guess that shows how many people are out there looking for love. I've sent a couple of messages to more local men, but not had any responses ...yet...

There's one really positive thing thats come out of me joining the dating site- its made me much more confident about myself.... I'm going to my first "singles night" on Friday, I've signed up for speed dating.. and last week flirted outrageously with a man 9 years younger than me -whey hey!!! Am seeing him at a quiz night this week , and apparently he's interested.. but we'll see eh...

Refreshed ......

Well, just a quick entry this week, as I only got back from Amsterdam yesterday and not really much to update on.
Only really wanted to say that Im feeling much more positive about the dating than I was last week, and after reading my last blog entry, I definately needed a kick up the ass;-)

Back from the "Dam" feeling refreshed and revitalised after having a really good fun weekend with my mates.

Met loads of people and even practiced my flirting skills... sadly lacking over the last year!

Had a couple of messages when I got back.. both of which I've replied too as they've both got friendly faces and twinkly eyes :-)

xx

Mmmm! a bit down and then an up!

Well, I left it a week before updating my blog........

Its been a strange 7 days- a bit up and a bit down. I posted my photo and waited to see if Richard messaged me... and waited... and waited....

No message.

And he had viewed it because the site shows who has viewed your profile

Felt quite deflated to be honest.. it took me a while to build up the confidence to put my photo on the site-and I felt quite vulnerable because showing your photo "lays you bare". You can put a profile on, and have a laugh and a joke, but you still have that annonimity and can hide behind the faceless image. My initial reaction was that I must be ugly, or too big (all the insecurities that men and women share if they face "rejection"). Anyway.. after feeling sorry for myself for a couple of days and wondering whether being on the site was doing me any good or not... I had a chat with a male colleague at work. He's known me since we were teenagers.. and he gave me a real telling off (and a confidence boost too!!)

He said.. how did I know that Richard had looked at my photo and thought I was too ugly or big!!! He could have looked at my photo and thought;

a) she's put her photo on, so she's not that into me and looking for other "contact"

or

b) she's out of my league (after all.. he hasnt put a photo on either!!!!)

or

c) he just didnt find me attractive.. after all, as he said, I dont fancy every man I know GOOD POINT IAN!

Anyway... he made me laugh as he said I had "body dismorphia" (I think thats how you spell it :-)) and that in no way was I "big" and in no way was I unattractive.. and that I needed to get a grip.. and where was the confident woman he knew at work and socially.

He was right....

And then I had a couple of winks, and one message- and to be honest (and here's the irony), they weren't my type- not just looks, but also their interests, and outlook. I felt bad, but I didnt answer any of them- not because I was rude, but because Im beginning to understand the rules of dating sites;

1.NOT everyone replies to a wink or a message

2. That doesnt make you a bad person

So, Im off on a hen weekend (second marriage :-~) to Amsterdam this weekend and when I get back, I'M going to have a look at profiles and I'M going to message a couple of men (I've set myself a target of 10!!!!)

If you sit back and wait for life to knock on door, chances are it "aint gonna happen" (unless you're extremely lucky), so Im going to knock on a few doors myself

Internet dating is certainly character building!!!!

Photo photo!!!!

What a palava!!!! I've managed to upload three photos and its only taken me 2 hours!!!!!

After trawling through old (!- but not that old!!) and new photos, I've decided on three that I think (hope) most "show" who I really am. I've tried taking photos of myself, but only suceeded in making my face look an odd shape :-) taken "down" on my face to lose the double chin, and taken "up" to try and hide the "life" lines- but this angle made me look like "desperate dan" (for those that are too young- I had a massive chin :-( ). Im not perfect, and may have a rounded face- but my chin is pretty ok!!!!!

To all those lads out there with distorted chins.... get your mates to take a new photo!!!

My profile photo is one of me with my most faithful companion- the one thats been there through all the laughter and the tears- and still loved me- my dog Henry. But I know I need to find one with two legs, not four, and one that can put his arms around me when I need him to.

On a lighter note- I had a reply from Richard- so I couldn't have put him off. He hasnt got a profile picture, so lets see if I get another message now that I've put my picture on the site. God I hope I do- just from a confidence point of view. Its been nerve racking enough to find the courage to put a photo on- you worry that no-one's going to want to contact you. Isnt it funny how you can be so confident in all aspects of your life- work, travel, friends etc, but so vulnerable in one- your own self confidence. Its ironic that you have friends and family who love you, because they know you... but when it comes to dating, a picture quite often determines whether a man will make contact or not.......

Lets see x

First replies.......

..... whey hey!! and without uploading a photo!! Both replies were different... one from a pleasant looking chap- but he reminded me far too much of my neighbour.. and lives within a two mile radius..which is a little too close for comfort (thats makes me wonder... my neighbour is 50plus....I hope thats not an old photo of him :-) ). I looked at his profile though, and to be honest- we're poles apart in interests, so sent him a nice reply. Am new to this, but I'd like to think I'd get a reply if I sent someone a message- even if they werent interested.

Richard, 46, sounds a little more on my wave length, so have sent him quite a lengthly reply. Not sure of the dating etiquette yet.. so hope I've not put him off!!!!

I'll let you know

Photo upload to be done urgently!!! Its trying to find the right one... I've taken more photos of myself in the last 10 days, thats its bordering on narcissistic!!!

Signed Up!!!!!

Well, thats it!!! I've done it... I've joined up. After looking at the hundreds of "normal" looking people on the website, I finally took the plunge. First step... putting in my "vitals"... (of which you can be incredibly "generous") The "build" question was a tricky one... OK- i know I'm never going to have the svelte figure of my youth... and I may be slightly overweight, but I'm pretty much in proportion- although they may be more proportional for a six foot well built male, rather than a 5 foot slim one! and Im not being "fattist"- just realistic!!). Plumped (ha ha) for being realistic rather than generous with the truth.. which may filter a few out!!! The hardest part is how to descibe yourself in 100 words or less and make it interesting! Unless you're the most confident person in the world or the most deluded.. this is difficult. After writing, re wording and editing again.. I've got a little "ditty" that I hope helps me stand out among the rest of the ladies, without sounding like some complete nutter! Its amazing how may people are "bubbly, outgoing, great sense of humour etc etc" . But its posted now! Next step photo!!!!!

Hi, my name is Sophia - I'm in my early fourties, divorced and have finally decided to do something about my "singledom" status. I've been divorced for about five years- I have a great family and a wide range of friends. I enjoy socialising and playing sports- tennis, badminton and golf. I have great job in sales where I get to meet an interesting range of people and exercise my grey matter. I'm not unattractive- I'm "normal"- or as normal as anyone can be :-) and get a little bit fed up of people who constantly tell me they cant understand why I'm still single. I guess if I knew the answer to that, I'd be rich! I have friends in the same situation- I'm not sure if its the classic "mid life crisis" that we're experiencing... but I finally realised that the only person that can change my situation is me! Online dating was something that I always thought was for those people who were desperate or shy - it used to have a stigma attached to it.. and I always held back. I finally realised that there were many people in similar situations to me, and one way to meet them was online. So... my journey begins... I promise to be honest... with the ups and downs that happen along the way. Its exciting but scary too.....

Why Online Dating?

If you're single, looking for love or romance, someone to date or make friends with online dating is a poular choice. More and more people are meeting their partners through dating sites and for very good reasons. Its convienient as you can log on at anytime that suits you. There's plenty of choice and certainly a much larger group of people to choose from than at work or the pub. Its much easier to find someone compatible with you, whether its particular interests or hobbies or personality traits you share. With online dating the possibilites are there to find out just how compatible you are. Perhaps you are looking for a partner in a defined age group or you want to date someone who is local or make friends in a different area? Its easy to search the dating site for whichever of these you choose.  On a more practical note the cost of one months membership is usually less than the cost of an evening out and you get the opportunity to know more about someone before embarking on your first date.  This helps to increase the likelyhood of success and make it a more enjoyable experience.

Starting out can be daunting, all kinds of questions and what ifs such as; How do I load my profile? and I'm not sure about how to go about putting on a photo, or even if I want to, does it make a difference? What if they're already married, what if its a scam and they're trying to get money out of me? Is there an online dating etiquette? What are the chances of meeting the right person?

To answer these and give a real live update of why they've chosen online dating I'd like to introduce you to one of our members who'll be writing this diary and sharing their experiences with you.

Sophia is a young middle aged woman who has previously been married and is now single and at the stage where she is now ready to begin dating again but where to start.......... In fact I'll hand you over to Sophia to tell you her story as it really is.